" Okay," I nodded.On the ride home, Tammy patted my knee to reassure me. I kept thinking of different ways to tell my mother I was gay, but my mind refused to cooperate.I didn't say anything to Mom that night or the next, but at school I informed Ursula and Curt of my feelings. I purposely left out specifics, but I did say I wasn't looking for a boyfriend. Ernie looked despondent until I told him there wasn't anything wrong with him personally; I just wasn't wired that way. Ursula was pretty quiet, but other than that she seemed to accept it. I didn't get many smiles from her, but she was civil. Curt didn't say a word.Jason and Andrea shrugged as if to say 'oh well', and continued to eat lunch at our table; several of my classmates went out of their way to avoid me or make rude comments in the hallways. I realized that my coming out hadn't made that big an impact on the social structure in the school. Other than a few rumors flying around, I was still mostly invisible.Thursday, Tammy. ‘We used to go to a little Tex-Mex restaurant that served them. After a while, we figured, ‘Why pay someone else to make them when we can do it ourselves at home’.’ ‘It looks fabulous,’ Marissa said. She reached down and patted Alan on the backside. ‘I hope you didn’t use all of the whipped cream.’ Alan blushed and they dug into their dessert. A short time later, the dishes were still in the sink and Alan and Marissa were cuddled up on the couch watching TV. Both were full from dinner. Her head was rested against his shoulder, his arms pulling her to him. Marissa ran her fingers absently down his forearm. ‘Can I ask you something?’ Alan said. ‘About last night.’ ‘Sure,’ Marissa’s heart almost stopped. ‘When you said the guy . . . from the insurance company . . . gave you a hate fuck,’ Alan started nervously. ‘What did you mean? Do you feel like that with me?’ ‘Oh, dear god, no,’ she breathed. ‘No, Alan . . . I don’t feel like that with you. He . . . He just wanted to get off with.
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